E U N O I A

It's 02:44am and I'm in my bed Physically present, but my mind is wandering to so many places at once. I let my tears flow accompanied by the thoughts rolling down my cheeks. They feel like gore on my wrists. People tell me I’m living in hell, That this is a perfect illusion I’ve sugar-coated. But how do I tell them I like it here? That every night when I subjugate myself, I let my thoughts conquer me Just to feel the reigning I hold. I let my heart skip a beat Just to reform its beat to the rhythm of raindrops patting the window. I let my claws be buried in my chest, Not to leave marks of guilt, But to hug myself and feel anything but regret. I let myself choke as I utter “I love you”. Not to anyone else around, But my reflection in the mirror. I let myself feel that in this moment, I’m broken but that means in some other moment, I had been loved. I tell myself I feel nothing but difficult. Difficult, yes. But not nothing. I’m not nothing. Sometimes, in hoping to not let go of...

I still look at the one scar you left me with before  I could fulfil my promise. I’m not a liar you see. The day you told me you’re insecure and  feel tangled in your own body, I knew I had to embody  a safe place. It gave me another scar on my face.  I made sure my chest became  a   shelter for you and a coffin for your problems. The scar faded away. I’m now left with one. The day you told me you want to fly  but your body makes it all but impossible. I promised I’d take off my wings and give them  to you to cease your struggle. I had yet another scar. Breaking you out of your  cocoon was my only power.  My back hurt in order to make your wings sprout.  Yet, you fled with my wings. I’m so proud. The scar faded away. I’m still left with one. The day you told me you want people to look  at you the way you looked at the world. I promised I’d read you like a poem to uncurl. I got a scar. The poem that expresses  love and hate...

  [POV: The Mirror in Your Room] She throws her schoolbag on the floor, slams and shuts her door. Tears in her eyes, a lighter in her hand sprinting for the thighs. A fighter in her that she doesn’t recognise. I see it.   She seems to hate everything she does, constantly keeps beating herself up. There’s constant pain lurking in her brain. I see it.   I look at her I see myself in a different colour, a little blurry, filled with love, hate, fury. Not very different, just cold and dark trying to bury her feelings in this coffin for a house.   She’s half-naked on her bed staring at the ceiling and walls the walls and ceiling stare back, with the diary in her hand constantly having panic attacks. I see it.   When she comes near me, to paint her face not able to recognise herself just faking this grace trying to fit in this world with the overwhelming pace. I see it.   What I am is a perf...

  The Yellow Dress (Sexual Assault/Rape)   I remember wearing a yellow dres s , And like a butterfly being caught. I concluded to flutter, my wings were tied in a knot.   I remember thinking, Where am I in this moment? What am I now? I can’t feel anything. I can’t see somehow.   Where I was taught, to raise a voice, As a girl, I couldn’t even force a noise.   Everyone is making a big deal, I lied that I’m fine, I’m having nightmares and flashbacks   all the time.   I tried not to feel, Tried to make my trauma heal, But I couldn’t stop the screams I was only 15!   I was robbed of my fragility for his selfish desires, I was weakened, to extinguish his fire.   Ravishment led to embarrassment, Which I could never deny. With the broken wings he left me with, I never learnt to fly.   I was never the same after it, I never returned as such, That  yellow dres s ...

 Life goes on, Yeah, I heard that lot of times. Then why do people like me, store their past in those rhymes?

This story is about a girl named Rose To not believe in love is what she chose She came to me and gave me a hug Whilst love in her life seemed unplugged She asked me a thing in despair if love even existed, she wasn’t aware If only you could see from my eyes, It won’t take seconds for you to realise that, Love is us Love is you Love is me Love is everything I see Love is when I bleed Love is when I breathe It’s when I close my eyes To revere the pretty skies It’s when I act as if I’m blind to forgive the mankind So the next time Rose, you ask me what love is, Go and look in the mirror it’s pure bliss It’s when you realise the pretty is on the inside It’s when you decide to accept your Hyde It’s when paths go dark and you can still see that bark Where you tied the loom for your feelings to bloom It’s the feeling of ecstasy which fulfils your fantasy. It’s from foggy dawns to starry dusks. It’s me. It’s you. It’s us. For what is love, nobody knows It’s adulation that grows and flows. And...

  Surrounded by those white walls, locked in these closed doors, a bleeding mask is what she wore. More than her fantasies, with tears she is associated, was love really worth her heart getting baited? Mesmerized she was, blinded in love, But life’s a gamble and she’s calling its bluff. “Is the dark room to blame, or is it really me? Because when we’re in the darkness only the blind can see.” She saw him from a distance, Raised in her a feeling of resistance. With hands on her mouth, she shouted from her lungs, Please don’t hurt me, are you not done? Those fairy tales are full of shit, she wept in despair, He whispered in her ear, darling I’m not even here.  

  Once a girl was broken, Her story never again spoken. Sensitive was her soul and skin, Differentiation between her & an angel was very thin. She gave a man her heart, to mould it. He made a toy out of its valves and sold it. She fled around with a broken heart, Intending to find the missing part. She asked someone if they would be so kind, As to help her resolve what was on her mind. They told her missing pieces weren't hard to find, All she had to do was look for another broken heart to bind. Like stars in the sky, she came out at night. Hoping for the perfect stargazer, who'd admire her light.